Friday, December 23, 2005
Many times during my interactions with my readers(blogs and homepage depicting different fronts of legal misuse by wives), I find them awe-struck, dumb-found, bewildered if not down right suspicious or skeptical. They inform me that they cannot believe in their wildest imagination that an Indian wife(stereotypically considered to be the personification of Mother Earth- who tolerates and forgives any indolence and injustice towards her) can inflict acute harm to her marital family this way. They ask me; leave alone framing false charges and cases, they can't even think of women who would actually enjoy the hapless(that's what those Lady Macbeths hope their husbands would be reduced to, in face of false 498a cases against them) husbands being sent to Jail or hiding from law till bail is arranged.
I have also thought about my wife this way, in dismay, initially when she filed the charges which were down right false and crass to the core(she accused me of trying to set my baby girl on fire!, may be its lawyers craft, but ultimately its her who approved and signed these representations to the court). As time went by I realised that there are some people who can just blank out any soft emotions that may be left in them towards a soul-mate, when ego and aggression takes over and when hormones run riot, and as predatory instincts kicks in and rules the roost, throughout further ahead during the entire legal battle(or proxy war, since the girl is using the entire government machinery against the husband).
So why do some unscrupulous wives misuse the law (IPC 498a)Â .
Firstly to harass the husband, and may be to for monetary gains. One may wonder as to where exactly is the harassment when only 2% is usually convicted in case 498a cases in total. The point here is that the Indian legal process itself is a punishment in itself, especially when it lingers on aimlessly for 5-10 years!, after the harsh period of police investigations ( institutionalised blackmail to be frank).
The Indian legal system is a harassment in itself to the general public, though we are trying to see courts as our 'parks' and litigation as 'small talk', so that we ourselves do not fall into the self-destructive vortex as the wasteful trials and adjournments and other self-defeating legal processes stretch out, without any sign of closure- while life is kept in abeyance (can't restart a family, can't relocate easily, can't be free from time waste, etc.)
How can a lot of wives use badly 498a law? When it's a fact that misusing wives will lose cases anyway
Since there is no legal repercussions if wife is found to be fabricating a false 498a charge, wives use this almost by default even if they want a divorce for some other reason(other than harassment, cruelty or because of the husband demanding dowry). And even if they lose the case, thereÂs nothing for them to actually lose, as she gets a lawyer from the state (public prosecutor), she doesn't have to appear other than for her statements during trail (2-3 sessions, as opposed to the innumerable court sessions through which the accused husband & family has to go through, over the 5 to 10 years when the case is live). This no-lose situation is what makes the law-misusing wife confident of inflicting damages to her husband, by misusing Indian legal system, without any harm to her whatsoever.
Moreover in this particular criminal section of 498a, the accused is considered Guilty until proven innocent (the onus of proof is on the accused, since he is considered guilty right from the start), while in all other criminal cases, be it murder (in almost all the countries in the world) the accused is considered innocent until proven Guilty (so that the law can ensure even if hundreds of Guilty escapes/acquitted, no innocent should be punished/convicted).
So here is the case of the missing link in Evolution..... when Homo Erectus evolved to Homo Sapien(Man as known today) some section remained part Homo eructus, retaining the extreme predatory instincts of destroying whatever is objectionable.... that section of women are our modern "498a Girls". They have traded-in flower power for Fire-power, extreme need for speed indeed!.
Can't believe it......... Believe it
Cruising Deeper soon
Saturday, December 17, 2005
But nice prediction that 498a is on the way for I.G Radha, since now a days its just a logical next for any girl in distress or a girl in greed, this false 498a is the thing which is brandished about as the ultimate panacea for girls in 'any' kind of distress or self-made plight.
Save Indian Family had predicted that IG Panda (Doosri Radha) can face a false dowry harassment case(original link at): http://www.mumbaimirror.com/nmirror/mmpaper.asp?sectid=14&articleid=1216200522535693712162005225226937
Doosri radha (what could be behind IPS Panda’s plight?)
• Save Indian Family had predicted that IG Panda (Doosri Radha) can face a false dowry harassment case. It has come true. ...She already got an order maintenance of Rs7000. Now she wants the house as well under the threat of 498a. ...Still, the whole nation laughs at this poor man! It may be possible that Panda must have been facing harassment from his wife for a long time and that must have affected him psychologically.
• harassed? Taking 50 per cent of husband’s property is actually cruelty towards the husband as he has toiled his entire life to earn this money, which these Surpanakhas are openly and shamelessly demanding by force.http://www.saveindianfamily.org/blogs/2005/12/14/doosri-radha-in498a/
• One doesn’t know whether to sympathise with ...or condemn his conduct for bringing disgrace to the office of Inspector General of Police. Sympathise, because the man seems to have lost his sanity... and condemn, since his conduct has brought disrepute to the entire police set-up of the state....But what has happened to Panda didn’t come about overnight. Although it remains a matter of conjecture as to what factors are to blame for his present state, one thing is for sure that both officialdom and other authorities concerned feigned ignorance and were negligent for quite some time about the whole affair.http://www.indiadaily.org/entry/whos-more-insane-ips-office-turned-radha-or-system/
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Divorce isn't the dirty word it once was... In fact, nearly half of all first marriages now end in divorce. We hope it doesn't happen to us, but it takes more than hope.
One valley marriage counselor who came up with a divorce test you can take right now- to measure the strength of your marriage.
Larry and Ceil Toschik met the day before he shipped out to serve in World War II. “I asked if I could write to her," Larry says. Ceil remembers that meeting with a fond smile, “He was young and he was good looking.” And so their courtship began. For three years they exchanged letters, soon after, they exchanged vows. Nearly 60 years later…“There were times i loved him but i hated what was going on!” Ceil said.
Larry traded his army green for an artist’s brush. "I had an outdoor job- and over our first 20 or 30 years of marriage, she was not an outdoor woman at all!” he said. So, there were a couple decades that weren't picture perfect, but they overcame their differences; working away from home, raising 4 children, losing a son in Vietnam.
Licensed marriage & family therapist, Renee Cunningham says, “There's this myth that it doesn't take work to be happy.” Cunningham came up with five simple questions she says every couple should answer to test if their marriage is on solid ground.
1) Do you resolve conflict in your marriage? a) always b) sometimes c) never "It isn't easy- but it can be done!" Ceil said.
2) Do you trust your partner? a) always b) sometimes c) never Larry joked, “She trusted me when she had little reason to trust me, because i had a roving eye.”
Cunningham says to look for signs, “Turning away from your partner, not listening to your partner, fighting frequently, those are about not trusting.”
3) Are you able to maintain your own personal identity in your marriage? a) always b) sometimes c) never “You have to have your own life. If you don't, you're dead in the water,” warns Cunningham.
4) Do you take responsibility-- particularly where problems are concerned? a) always b) sometimes c) never “So what if they ‘win’ for a day, two days, a month?” Cunningham asks, “You gain relationship.”
5) Are you able to communicate your needs and concerns to your partner? a) always b) sometimes c) never “Are your needs being met in the bedroom? are your needs being met financially?” Cunningham said. “Eventually what happens is, you're going to communicate those needs & those wants to someone else.”
Not a problem for Ceil, “He can read me like a book!” Do you see any pattern in your answers? always, sometimes, never? Cunningham says answering ‘sometimes’ should be a warning, and ‘never,’ should be a big red flag. But as they say, never say never. “It's never, ever too late to have a good relationship,” Cunningham said.
Larry agrees, “There were some tensions there, but we loved each other and it paid off.” Larry & Ceil's secret? They stuck it out. That, they say, is what's missing with so many couples today Ceil says couples should “make every effort they possibly can to solve their problems without the divorce. There is a way. If they have any love for each other at all, they can do it.” Communication is of course- the bottom line- so hopefully your results- already have you and your spouse talking. We set up a link for more relationship questions you can answer tonight before they become problems down the road.
The website for the 22-question relationship quiz is: http://www.gottman.com/marriage/relationship_quiz/
Renee Cunningham's website is: http://www.asonefamily.org/
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Among the book reviews I was struck by one observation as below, observing about women:
Selfishness is not a by-product of feminism, it is a towering result of too many women being allowed to only think of themselves first and foremost. Women aren't raised to sacrifice for the greater good, for justice or for their families. There is no female version of chivalry. They are to be adored and not questioned, they are too valuable to endanger.
Yes I agree that women do tend to think that they are to be pampered(why else the term "Suitor" exists, why else does a man have to go down on his knees to propose), its evolved that way, may be it was relevant at one point in time. But as world changed and has culture changed(culture is ever changing), we ought to have collectively changed our expectations about being a man or woman. I agree men too had a big part in making a woman an object of consumption, and all that pampering and tolerance was with just 'one' thing in mind- yes the self-propogation of man, it is programmed in men. And it is programmed in women that she selects the male who has the best of health and the one who will provide her and her children with the best of resources to thrive on.
But we are supposedly in the era of equal rights(and equal duties too!, hey that comes along with rights, remember), and we know that we need to run families to fulfill many mutual needs. So why don't we all just understand that and live in harmony- its that simple, when u come to think of it.
May be we are all in the cusp of such maturity, may be people can't thrive without contradictions!. But hope that we can have some fun leading family lives, at least some fun, sometime.
More reviews on the above book at Amazon:
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Lady Macbeth is known for being one of the most powerful and even the most feared female characters created by Shakespeare. Even in the beginning, she shows us her ruthlessness when she begins planning Ducan’s murder. She also proved to us that she is a much stronger and dominating person than her husband, but she is fully aware that it won’t be easy to get Macbeth pull through with her plans. Lady Macbeth is described as a man inside a woman’s body by her spouse, and she agrees. She explains that if she weren’t a woman that she would commit the murder on her own. Women, the play implies, can be as ambitious and cruel as men, yet social constraints deny them the means to pursue these ambitions on their own.
Macbeth is very hesitant about her decisions and wishes he did not have to carry through with her demands. However, she still seems to pressure him into proving his man hood so that he can have complete rule. Slowly, her aspirations turn into madness and guilt begins to settle in to the point where she cannot cope and she is found trying to clean up a non-existent bloodstain. The play comes to a close with her suicide as a result of her emotions overpowering her life.
In this particular monologue in the popular style of Shakespeare, Macbeth agonizes over whether or not to kill Duncan, stating that he knows the king's murder is a terrible sin. He struggles with the though. He fears not so much with the horrifying idea of regicide as with the actual fact and process of murdering a man who trusts him. He would like the king's murder to be over and done with already. She states that she herself would go so far as to take her own nursing baby and dash its brains out if she had to in order to attain her goals. Lady Macbeth goes into more detail of how they will pursue her goals until the end of the scene where he resigns from the project.
The above is a character sketch taken from the net. We could help with lesser number of specimens of the above order, these characters will still be existant, but lets hope we all can tide over them or identify them before we get infront of one.
Man or Woman, if his/her greed and avarice takes over his heart its doomsday for all in vicinity including self.
When I read the article forwarded by Gopelalwani, I remembered my own promise to myself to continue my observation of cultures which offer fertile grounds for sparking 498a kinda situations: Ie. the Deteriorated family values and the results thereof.
The point in contention is some communities and groups in kerala and how they had evolved over centuries in the quest of social and economic advancement.
In Kerala the king used to select his women(more like in a Harem System) and give her a Saree(known as a "Pudava") to mark his intention. These girls stayed in their own homes and entertained the king(or the local ruler) whenever they dropped in for 'visits'(this kind of pseudo-harem systems were called "sambhandams"). These girls were not restricted not to have a proper marriage!, they used to marry men who are comfortable of the situation and who would run errands on behalf of his wife, even acting a messenger for the 'visits'. The chosen girl(or girls) were powerful since they had the clout to settle local disputes(almost like a extended court system, since the solution could be enforced through the kings favourable views for his chosen girl).
As a result the girls assumed power in households, and men increasingly became servile and at disposal. This trend continued even after kingdoms fell, since centuries of conditioning had by then taken over the society.
I reckon that many societies have this kind of skewed line of controls, and whoever cannot adjust to this system revolt and get into disputes, which may lead to false accusation and charges(like false cruelty and harassment charges - as in IPC 498a). The husbands who tolerated this lead a seemingly calm family, but these guys where infact waiting to vent out somewhere, and more often than not they vent it out against their son in laws!(since they do not want a man to lead any different life than themselves, sub-consciously).
So this kind of psyche also(in addition to neo-feminism) runs across many parts of India and triggers of unnecessary clashes, which leads to a 498a situation.
--- In firstname.lastname@example.org, "Gope Lalwani" <gopelalwani@y...> wrote:> MANSA: Fraternal polyandry. If it takes a minute for the term to sink in, you're probably not affected by agrarian crisis the way farmers in Malwa region of Punjab are. Bizzare as it may sound, there is a connection. The problem of fragmentation of land holdings has led to unusual social developments. One being wife-sharing among brothers.
It may be the world's rarest forms of marriages in anthropological terms, but in Mansa district of the state, this is a reality that stares you in the face. Visit any village of Boha area - Gandu Kalan, Gandu Khurd, Reond Khurd, Bhakhrial, Aan-diawali or Khandkalan - there are families of up to seven brothers married to one woman.
The reasons are purely materialistic. It prevents the division of the family farm, thus facilitating all of the family to achieve a higher standard of living. It ensures there is one set of heirs per generation. "Polyandry helps in preventing division of land," says Dr Kuldeep Singh Deep, a noted Punjabi playwright, based in Boha town of Mansa.
He adds that publicly the woman is married to one of the brothers, but within four walls of the house there is "mutual understanding" because of which other brothers do not marry and the division of land is prevented. So far as day-to-day family decisions go, there is one brother - usually the eldest -who exercises authority respected by others. The woman, too, agrees to the practice for the well-being of her children
The concept is not new. It has been written about, depicted in plays and generally found acceptance among the farmer fraternity.
Another reason advanced for its prevalence is the importance given to landholdings in the Jat Sikh community, where marriages are settled on the basis of the land one possesses. Preference is always for a groom who has a good landholding or is in government service. With fragmentation of landholdings and high unemployment rate, it is really a Herculean task for a farmer having 2.5 acres land to find a bride for his son.
This is the reason for steady increase in the number of aging unwed boys in rural areas of Mansa, Bathinda, Faridkot, Muktsar and Sangrur districts...
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Srivatsa , Nirupa & Vijay
In a small temple in Bangalore Elderly Nirupa , 70+ year old her limping husband Srivatsa and Vijay took a vow Trishti & Lila shall be brought to justice before the law . Elder abuse will not be allowed to flower . Supported starts puring in from neighbours who have been mute spectators uptil now . 498a and Dowry Cases cannot be treated as normal standard tactics of marital Game . They owe it to the society at large that shuprankhas are brought to justice. If it takes 20 years it will be done. justice ka na koi bhai , behen , mata , pita yah biwi hota hain , hota hai to bas justice . 35 years no body has ever taken , nor given dowry in family
Crime is a crime irerespective of gender .False Accusation is even worse . Madhu Kishwar could attend only one Dowry less Marriage . Vijay , Srivatsa and Vijay have attended 20+
Monday, October 03, 2005
When the dowry demands mentioned are actually articles purchased by husband
When in the so called suicide attempt the hospital itself does no exist
When there is clear evidence of previous paramour
When DNA test proves adultary
When cash flow evidence shows transfer of money from husband to wife
When the Groom has loaned Rs 16 Lakhs to his father in law
When the Groom has sponsored his brother in laws education
When the demand mentioned consists of a car which is purchased by the father-in-laws brother and used by them only .
Why should we even bother to prosecute such cases !!! National Waste of time . 15 minutes of analysis is sufficent to close this cases and yet such cases have gone for 4 years 5 years
Sunday, October 02, 2005
This is a post I received in the yahoo groups, read on….
i did try all these in the last 6 months as i said all religious ways.
far as the hindu way is concerned
1. there is one astrologer in hyderabad i consult often and plan my
and do all rituals
2. there is one astroler in delhi ( who send me divya mangala chakra
one). its a combination of mantra , tantra and yantra ( yantra which i
worship daily, mantra which i recite and tantra which i wear ). he also
advices me regulary
3. there is one indian priest here who often i meet every week and
to do lot of rituals. i kept a 2 month fast in august and september to
this marriage as per his advice. there is one holy ritual performed
every year where in you have to pick some offerings from burning hot
submit to god to fulfill ur wishes and i did that with complete faith
my surprice my hands did not burn. he is oneway my local consultant
4. there is one nadi astrologer from chennai whom i consulted who told
perform rituals every sunday in my wife name .so i go to that temple
sunday and offer my prayer in my wife name
5. there is a numerologist i got in touch recently here who asked me to
a ring which i wil be wearing from october 10th.,
now the christian way..
1 there is a paster here ( church fathers here are called paster ) who
prays for our matter every friday. i try to meet him often and i go
bible regularly on this matter.
now the muslim way.
1. there is a malay guy whom im in touch last 3 months who asks me to
in a muslim way. i do that rituals also.
these are all the things im doing till date. if you think there is any
other way or any person u think can be more effective, i dont mind
because i m committed for this matter and can go to any extent in
thanks and regards
******* Un quote**********
I don’t prescribe to the ways discussed above, but I perfectly understand the mind which is thinking all this… in hurt. When the force which is supposed to be the strength of your shoulder, partner in your life, turns back and knives u to a gory situation worse than death itself, one could think of turning to any corner which could possibly bring relief, and sanity to that cheating partner.
But thinking more practically, one has to take a problem solving approach and solve step by step all those hurdles, just let the fear and stress boost you to reach the solution. Its often said that being guided by heart does not often yield any materialistic results, "no sentiments in business"- and when survival becomes the sole business in your life, you better think with your logical brain(let the emotional brain take a break, till u r ready to absorb some more blows :)
Saturday, October 01, 2005
The laws of the motherland India are giving step motherly treatment to her very own sons. Their future is in jeopardy by putting the sons and his parental family in to perils.
I am writing this because of several mails that we get to read in our Inboxes, I have one of those unfortunate mails to share with you. (Identity is kept a secret on purpose)
Thanks for replying to my email. As it stands now we are currently trying the mediation route with my in-laws although they have already filed a false complaint for 498a and got my mother arrested in such a way that it fell on the weekend and it took 4 days to get her out on bail.
I'm currently in the US working for an MNC. My mother is a cancer patient and is living alone in India. If you have gone through this situation I don't have to mention the pain and agony I and my family are going through. I want to get her out of India from this hatred and injustice
I sincerely hope you are not going through a similar situation, if you are my prayers and wishes go for you and your family.
Thank you for all your help!
With such dangers the sons are considering better options and they prefer to be adopted by different mother(lands) and are successfully and loyally working for them and in return they are atleast getting their peace of mind. and basic right to livelyhood.
And statistician cleverly project this as a "brain drain".God Save this Country and the fellowmen.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Article "Spare a thought for Dowry law abuse" by Devi Cherian
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
last 24 hours, i have posted many messages and u all hv been nice torespond as much as possible, it may be bugging for some, some might think im getting unnecessarily worried, but the fact is im really suffering hardwhile im going thru these stages and thanks to your support, u keep memoving ahead, at work also i m too hectic, basically im in IT profession and more intoclient meetings and demos like that..whole day i was busy with lot of workand appoitments but this thing haunted me like anything whereever i go.
wellthe latest news i have got in my case is that , they have received my replynotice and our lawyer has confirmed this and asked our parents to gounderground for a while. i have already moved to them to my frinds place. ijust called up my mom and it brings lot of tears to me to see them runningaround to places to hide, they have left their home thanks to giving birthto a son like me. it seems my frind and his wife are taking very good careof my parents.
its too hurting man going thru all this. one more thing istill dont have that kind of hatred toward my wife unlike most of others.some how i liked her and married her and that liking will still be there...i knw i have reached a stage where i m going to suffer even being withher and even without her. i hv tried my best to save this marriage. infactmy last 2 years went only for this purpose. i have used numerology,astrology, palmistry and all possible astro remedies to save this marriage.i have done the hindu, christian and muslim rituals also.there is nothingthat i left to save this marriage and i know today i cannot lose anythingmore than that. but life has to move on,, atleast it has to move for people who care for melike my parents,brother and sister. as i sign off for the day, i really dont know wht is in store tommorrow. ijust hope things will be fine hoping on a famous quote from bible " AND YET IN A LITTLE WHILE , HE WHO COMES WILL COME AND WILL NOT DELAY".
Many of us have tried to analyse the situation with a heavy heart, which pounded "why me, why me". One of our members came up with this risk assessment after going through traits of people involved in many cases. http://www.geocities.com/gorky_maksim/pages/assessrisk.htm .
I do agree whole-heartedly most often than not, gentleness is mistook for meekness. And when one only wants to love someone else, to get back such kind of barbarous treatment is something which scalds and bruises human psyche forever, many people just turn despondents, many rebels, some trudge on with hope- but none the same old self, innocense is lost 100%(may be thats what it takes to live in this age of crooks, Kaliyuga!).
Where do we go.......
I just read a book by Osama Bin Laden’s sister in Law, Carmen Bin Ladin, named "Inside the Kingdom". It describes the life in Saudi more from a women’s view point – which is Horrible, to say the least. However I jokingly thought to myself that Saudi would have adopted these kinda laws(Sharia) for women after widespread misuse of 498a law back in 7th century AD!.
While searching the blogs on this book I found http://www.nomadicfusion.com/blog/2005/5/30/a-new-counterterrorism-strategy-feminism.html . Which basically says uplifting women of Saudi would in effect arrest & curb Bin Laden’s terrorism "a new counterterrorism strategy: feminism? " .
I am sure that’s(uplifting women, in the real sense) the solution for ending the trend of Legal Terrorism in India, by way of minimising Misuse of Law- namely IPC 498a. And we better have some brave women like Carmen to proclaim this aloud, and talk/write sense into the burgeoning folk of warring Amazons- who don’t even bat an eyelid before they press false charges against their husbands.
PS: another blog on this: http://www.livejournal.com/users/quaker_mole/387227.html
Monday, September 26, 2005
D-Day ( -1)
Nirupa Roy comes to to her son Vijay house . Trishti had gone to her sister Lila's Place after eating the Break fast prepared by Nirupa . Vijay goes to work in Basvanugudi Bangalore.
In two hours her receives a call on his mobile from Trishti Saying that he should immediately sent his mother Nirupa back to Chikmanglur. Vijay asks what exactly is her problem . Trishti says I will not allow even the saaya of Nirupa to fall on my sons face. Vijay asks Trishti to calm down Trishti increases voice and repeats the threat " SHALL I PROCEED " . Vijay Pacifies Trishti and Drops his work and comes back to home . Trishti is not at home. Trishti had gone to Lila's Place again probably for furthur advise on how to provoke .
Trishti comes back with 6 month old abhay . Nirupa is cooking while Trishti & Vijay Play with Abhay . Trishti goes into Kitchen and suddenly shouts with full blown Voice " WHY HAVE YOU TOUCHED ABHAYS COOKER " . Nirupa is flabbergasted. Vijay comes and pacifies Trishti and says if Nirupa Probably did not know how sensitive Trishti is to Nirupa touching abhays item and also asks what is the problem if Nirupa touches Cooker. Trishti says " YOU ARE HARASSING ME . NIRUPA HAS COME TO HARASS ME . I MADE HER STAY AWAY FOR 3 YEARS AND NOW YOU ARE ALLOWING HER TO STAY . I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS NIRUPA CANNOT SEE ABHAY".
Nirupa Asks when can she Trishti's mother . Trishti shouts " NO NEED TO COME AND SEE MY MOTHER YOU ARE NOT PART OF THE FAMILY DO NOT EVEN TRY TO MEET VIJAY AND ABHAY " . Vijay then pacifies her " she has come only for a week" . Trishti " GET HER OUT NOW" . This goes on for an hour with vijay calmly pacifying and Trishti slowly losing her breath .
Every one goes to Sleep
Evening 8:00 P.M.
Trishti comes home from her sister Lila's Place ( Strategies Prepared our victims surmise) and of course looking after her mother who is in hospital having broken her leg.
Nirupa comes having bought some vegetables. Vijay plays with Abhay while Trishti Goes to kitchen . Two minutes later Trishti says " TAKE THAT OUT OF MY FRIDGE" . Nirupa "it is a good vegetables . I will keep it in lower shelf" . Trishti takes it out of the fridge and keeps it n the ledge . Nirupa calmly puts it back again . Trishti " DID YOU NOT HERE I DO NOT WNAT THE VEGETABES IN THE FRIDGE " . Vijay comes with Abhay in his Lap . Vijay "it is not your fridge dear to order my mother not to put vegetables. She has has come only for a day and your are behaving like this " . Trishti " YOU ARE HARASSING ME . YOU ARE TYRING TO THROW ME OUT OF THIS HOUSE" . Trishti snatches Abhay and runs out of the house at 8:30 P.M.
She comes back in minute later saying forgot her mobile and takes it and again goes to her sister Lilas place.
D-DAY + 3
section 498a & dowry harassment
BLAH , BLAH , BLAH
D-DAY + 500 days
Pronuncement by High Court
" The punishment for the mistake of marrying an arrogant woman cannot be a criminal case"
This story is entirely true and not any perception of events . The names of victims of 498a and agressors have been changed since the victims are totally exhausted.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Preeti was a very well-natured, but popular girl wherever she went(school , college or office), her simplicity and innocence. She always made it sure that all those suitors were denied, since she wanted to marry someone the Indian way!, the arranged and announced way. Her family loved her that much, as to make her think of them before she thought of herself. This may have been a bane in retrospect, as they say in flight safety announcements, put the safety mask on yourselves before you help others!. She lived with her parents, near to her married sister(whose son she doted, maybe she wanted to have a kid of her own, too soon, in retrospect)
Mayur had a very troubled childhood. His mother was a very fiery lady, who went on to say that her husband raped her and Mayur was the result. He had been hearing this all his childhood, that is whenever he came home for vacations of the boarding school his mother decided to park him away. His mother was interested in living a queen size life, and would do whatever it takes to do that(she was in the travel and hospitality industry, which had ways and means to achieve her goal). Mayur's mind was warped because of these conditioning, in addition to the sexual harassment he had to endure all his schooling days, from various person, since he was seen as a meek person by all. All this made him a volcano waiting to erupt, he never could stick to his own decisions, since his mother and aunt used to decide for him all his life.
Mayur had given his details/bioddata in his companies intranet, in the section which facilitated matrimonial alliances, since his mom and aunt wanted only his money(in dollars ,since he was now in US working onsite for an Indian company). Preeti got Mayur's details forwarded by her friend in Mayur's company. She responded with her details to Mayur's email. Mayur came to see her during his 25 day vacation to India, he liked Preeti without much delay(he wanted a friend dearly), and told Preeti's folks that engagement and Marriage should happen before he goes back to US. Preeti's family was delighted, the guy was a good match prima facie!- the only stuff they couldn't digest was the way he requested not to inform the matter to his mom, whatever needed would be dealt with by his aunt.
Anyway marriage happened, and they went to aunts place(mom still not informed!, since she was against all men- not their money of course). The first day itself was a shocker to Preeti, aunt went on to explain how Mayur could have got a better birl, with a lot of assets, etc. Second day was bad since his mom came to know and had a showdown in front of Mayur. The following days were even worse for Preeti, Mayur changed 180 degrees from what he was while he used to date her before marriage, it was as if he was possessed.
He started doubting her every move, not letting her outside alone at all. They went to US as scheduled, but Mayur would lock her up, when he went to work. The situation only got bad, when Mayur found Preeti emailing her parents about whats going on, that day he threw her at the wall, and when he found that she cut her forehead and was bleeding profusely, the only concern was to stop blood and to make the gash unnoticeable!.
The torture and madness worsened and one day Preeti mustered courage, and demanded that she wants to go back, in his un-predictable state of mind Mayur agreed and she came back to India. After 6 months Preeti got Mayurs legal notice informing his intention to file for Divorce with Mutual consent. Preeti was happy and relieved, since the scars were fading, but her nightmares were not.
In the meanwhile Deep had met Preethi, they were friends at school. He told her about the false 498a complaint his wife put on him, and commented that it was the likes of preethi who should use this law. Preethi's answer was that she doesn't want to take revenge on Mayur, nor does she has dreams to get rich like Deep's wife by putting a 498a case. She was confident to live a life of dignity forgetting her past.
Deep thought....Strange are the ways of people, the ones who act 'the victim' are undeserving, the deserving has better ways out!.... Deep's story: http://
(Characters are Fictitious, though the traits and character sketches and inspired from life)
Friday, September 23, 2005
Some victims said its because the girls are advised by parents or advocates (when she starts staying away from her husband, due to some fights(initial, no very serious in nature) to put a false case(Accusing attempts to murder, demand of dowry etc., whichs just put to complete the 'requirements/ingredients' of a 498a offense). Like in a situation similar to Deep and Meeth ( my earlier post).
But some feel that girls are provoked since boys expect a certain level of submissiveness, which they have been conditioned to expect out of wife!. I quote the words of a friend in verbatim "I feel that we
Indian males implicitly believe in our inherent superiority over females, and then unknowingly act in
a manner which may be insulting to them. Then when our spouses react to that, we feel infuriated because
we've been spoonfed since childhood that a good wife never shouts back at her husband or in-laws. So, we
try to suppress her which further complicates the matters.”
I personally think of the following trends/causes, as the main reasons of rifts and then deterioration to 498a levels.
1) Parental Influence(parents(especially Indian) seems to have a reason to be worried in the initial stages of marriage, and hence be liable to wrong panic triggers, which only helps to further roughen the situation- with each side defending their own forts, come what may!)
2) Advice of legally half-baked confidants, that 498a is the panacea for ego-gratification and settling scores(simple miya-biwi jagada’s!- small tiff’s between the man and wife)
3) Wrong values and upbringing(not respecting women or men, as is needed in a society, let alone as a couple)
4) Ego , Complexes, Vindictiveness
5) Lack of self-confidence, hence leading way to comparisons and external-orientation
6) Viewing a partner as a commodity to be owned, and who had no right or duties of themselves
7) Extra marital affairs
8) Greed, Avarice & Lust
Would like more inputs and counters in this regard, so that we can arrive at some level of awareness using this brainstorming.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Several dates and chat later, they decided that they need to marry, they were so perfect a 'dove-tail joint' match. Meeth's family had a lawyer pop, and home maker(and also policy maker!) mom, an elder brother who is a small time financier.
Deep was the only son of his parents, father owns a farm and is the wise old man of his village, mom is a teacher in primary school. Deep was a young man with a lot of ambitions and love inside, who had a good life and family around him.
Meeth's family had lost its glory when the era of Zamindars and 'Raj' ended. She did have a decent life and education, but with a lot of help from her uncle's side.
Deep was an active guy, reaching out to everyone he meets. Ever innovative and adventurous, straying from the time tested and sober ways of life and profession. This trait of experimenting and achieving, brought a lot of detractors in his life, as such he had detractors from his relatives side, since his family was well-off.
Meeth was conditioned by her parents to be scheming and manipulative since now the family subsisted on funds from their relatives. Their ego did not let them live a normal, transparent life.
Marriage happened, with the blessings if both families. But Deep got deeper in troubles by the passing day, he was faced with Taunts, Insults, comparisons and unworthy negativism from Meeth. Since both did love each other , even though Meeth's conditioning got the better of her and she displayed this negativism time and again. Deep, out of love that brought them together in the first place, tried to talk out of this unpleasant situation, but nothing seemed to work.
Meeth was keeping in touch with her family by phone, natural for someone who has only left home for 2 years of Master’s education. But the problem was her mother’s curiosity and power-mongering nature, she wanted her daughter to be in charge of the family in all respects(because she herself ruled over her husband back home!- it’s the culture over there!). On top of everything Deep’s own aunts schemed against him by poisoning Meeth’s mind. Deep didn’t realise whats happening, because he was not able to interpret the reactions of Meeth, when he was only giving her love and freedom to do whatever she likes.
To add trouble to all this, Meeth’s elder brother, Jeeth, did not like Deep’s pride in his abilities and achievements, he wanted a Yes-man in Deep!. With his connections with lawyers and related advisors, Jeeth knew how to humble any husband just with a false complaint of Harassment and Cruelty under IPC section 498a .
The rest is history, things just snowballed into a false 498a case, now Deep and Meeth lost their peace of mind along with a beautiful chance of building a loving family together.
Story of Preethi and Mayur... the other side of the coin .... only misuse(of women-protection laws) ... no USE!
(Characters are Fictitious, though the traits and character sketches and inspired from life)
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
I am talking about the misuse of 498a(section of Indian Penal code), which originally is a law to prevent Harassment and Cruelty by Husbands and relatives towards wives. Without going into the legalities, I wish to enquire the reasons of this rift and later vicious clash, between 2 people who shared and were to share the most intimate times of their lives- I am sure a lot of couples started out with a fight, just with a bit of anger, ego, vengeance. But whats sustaining this prolonged hatred which makes someone to ruin the other partner, mentally, physically, socially, economically and worst spiritually(which makes one think that this life's not worth living- see what its giving back!).
I do have some inferences of why this seem to happen, but would like to hear from the affected, bystanders, the remotely affected & unaffected. Just to form a data bank of inferences, from which we can distill down to specific reasons and hence to some possible solution.
To read more about this situation you can go to the links below:
Indian Penal Code- IPC: i) u need to register free for this http://www.mahalibrary.com/Logon.asp?p=/show_options.asp&part=yes&id=186045&file=186045p1.asp&law=&cf=%20
ii) the free one: http://www.indialawinfo.com/bareacts/ipc.html
2) for Criminal Procedure code , refer: http://www.mahalibrary.com/show_subhead.asp?p=yes&file=197402p1.asp&id=197402