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Thursday, September 29, 2005

Found an interetsing article by a lady: Yes, no one is immune to this misuse of Harassment Law(can be interpreted as the law which prevents harassment of women, and also the law which unscrupulous women use to harass all and sundry related to husband!) . Can't believe it?, believe it... you just have to be distantly related to any husband, for you to be rounded by the police and be put in remand, until such time as police deems fit!, how about that for a draconian concept of law! . Read on....

Article "Spare a thought for Dowry law abuse" by Devi Cherian
http://www.dailypioneer.com/columnist1.asp?main_variable=Columnist&file_name=CHERIAN56.txt&writer=CHERIAN&validit=yes

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

I just got this message to the yahoo group, from a man in extreme stress and emotional turmoil: Because he is fighting his own heart whichs splitting inside him. Many of us, no most of us, may be all of us, have gone through this ordeal. The message from our brother......read on..... Yet another 498a scenario, IPC.. thy name Hell!
******** Quote*********
last 24 hours, i have posted many messages and u all hv been nice torespond as much as possible, it may be bugging for some, some might think im getting unnecessarily worried, but the fact is im really suffering hardwhile im going thru these stages and thanks to your support, u keep memoving ahead, at work also i m too hectic, basically im in IT profession and more intoclient meetings and demos like that..whole day i was busy with lot of workand appoitments but this thing haunted me like anything whereever i go.

wellthe latest news i have got in my case is that , they have received my replynotice and our lawyer has confirmed this and asked our parents to gounderground for a while. i have already moved to them to my frinds place. ijust called up my mom and it brings lot of tears to me to see them runningaround to places to hide, they have left their home thanks to giving birthto a son like me. it seems my frind and his wife are taking very good careof my parents.

its too hurting man going thru all this. one more thing istill dont have that kind of hatred toward my wife unlike most of others.some how i liked her and married her and that liking will still be there...i knw i have reached a stage where i m going to suffer even being withher and even without her. i hv tried my best to save this marriage. infactmy last 2 years went only for this purpose. i have used numerology,astrology, palmistry and all possible astro remedies to save this marriage.i have done the hindu, christian and muslim rituals also.there is nothingthat i left to save this marriage and i know today i cannot lose anythingmore than that. but life has to move on,, atleast it has to move for people who care for melike my parents,brother and sister. as i sign off for the day, i really dont know wht is in store tommorrow. ijust hope things will be fine hoping on a famous quote from bible " AND YET IN A LITTLE WHILE , HE WHO COMES WILL COME AND WILL NOT DELAY".
***** Un-Quote*******

Many of us have tried to analyse the situation with a heavy heart, which pounded "why me, why me". One of our members came up with this risk assessment after going through traits of people involved in many cases. http://www.geocities.com/gorky_maksim/pages/assessrisk.htm .

I do agree whole-heartedly most often than not, gentleness is mistook for meekness. And when one only wants to love someone else, to get back such kind of barbarous treatment is something which scalds and bruises human psyche forever, many people just turn despondents, many rebels, some trudge on with hope- but none the same old self, innocense is lost 100%(may be thats what it takes to live in this age of crooks, Kaliyuga!).

Where do we go.......
DeeperUnderground?
Hi All,

I just read a book by Osama Bin Laden’s sister in Law, Carmen Bin Ladin, named "Inside the Kingdom". It describes the life in Saudi more from a women’s view point – which is Horrible, to say the least. However I jokingly thought to myself that Saudi would have adopted these kinda laws(Sharia) for women after widespread misuse of 498a law back in 7th century AD!.

While searching the blogs on this book I found http://www.nomadicfusion.com/blog/2005/5/30/a-new-counterterrorism-strategy-feminism.html . Which basically says uplifting women of Saudi would in effect arrest & curb Bin Laden’s terrorism "a new counterterrorism strategy: feminism? " .

I am sure that’s(uplifting women, in the real sense) the solution for ending the trend of Legal Terrorism in India, by way of minimising Misuse of Law- namely IPC 498a. And we better have some brave women like Carmen to proclaim this aloud, and talk/write sense into the burgeoning folk of warring Amazons- who don’t even bat an eyelid before they press false charges against their husbands.

Regards
Deep
PS: another blog on this: http://www.livejournal.com/users/quaker_mole/387227.html

Monday, September 26, 2005

The D-Day and Pre Day Story ( True Story from SIF Case files )
D-Day ( -1)
Nirupa Roy comes to to her son Vijay house . Trishti had gone to her sister Lila's Place after eating the Break fast prepared by Nirupa . Vijay goes to work in Basvanugudi Bangalore.
In two hours her receives a call on his mobile from Trishti Saying that he should immediately sent his mother Nirupa back to Chikmanglur. Vijay asks what exactly is her problem . Trishti says I will not allow even the saaya of Nirupa to fall on my sons face. Vijay asks Trishti to calm down Trishti increases voice and repeats the threat " SHALL I PROCEED " . Vijay Pacifies Trishti and Drops his work and comes back to home . Trishti is not at home. Trishti had gone to Lila's Place again probably for furthur advise on how to provoke .

Trishti comes back with 6 month old abhay . Nirupa is cooking while Trishti & Vijay Play with Abhay . Trishti goes into Kitchen and suddenly shouts with full blown Voice " WHY HAVE YOU TOUCHED ABHAYS COOKER " . Nirupa is flabbergasted. Vijay comes and pacifies Trishti and says if Nirupa Probably did not know how sensitive Trishti is to Nirupa touching abhays item and also asks what is the problem if Nirupa touches Cooker. Trishti says " YOU ARE HARASSING ME . NIRUPA HAS COME TO HARASS ME . I MADE HER STAY AWAY FOR 3 YEARS AND NOW YOU ARE ALLOWING HER TO STAY . I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS NIRUPA CANNOT SEE ABHAY".
Nirupa Asks when can she Trishti's mother . Trishti shouts " NO NEED TO COME AND SEE MY MOTHER YOU ARE NOT PART OF THE FAMILY DO NOT EVEN TRY TO MEET VIJAY AND ABHAY " . Vijay then pacifies her " she has come only for a week" . Trishti " GET HER OUT NOW" . This goes on for an hour with vijay calmly pacifying and Trishti slowly losing her breath .

Every one goes to Sleep

D-DAY

Evening 8:00 P.M.
Trishti comes home from her sister Lila's Place ( Strategies Prepared our victims surmise) and of course looking after her mother who is in hospital having broken her leg.
Nirupa comes having bought some vegetables. Vijay plays with Abhay while Trishti Goes to kitchen . Two minutes later Trishti says " TAKE THAT OUT OF MY FRIDGE" . Nirupa "it is a good vegetables . I will keep it in lower shelf" . Trishti takes it out of the fridge and keeps it n the ledge . Nirupa calmly puts it back again . Trishti " DID YOU NOT HERE I DO NOT WNAT THE VEGETABES IN THE FRIDGE " . Vijay comes with Abhay in his Lap . Vijay "it is not your fridge dear to order my mother not to put vegetables. She has has come only for a day and your are behaving like this " . Trishti " YOU ARE HARASSING ME . YOU ARE TYRING TO THROW ME OUT OF THIS HOUSE" . Trishti snatches Abhay and runs out of the house at 8:30 P.M.
She comes back in minute later saying forgot her mobile and takes it and again goes to her sister Lilas place.

D-DAY + 3
section 498a & dowry harassment
BLAH , BLAH , BLAH

D-DAY + 500 days
Pronuncement by High Court
" The punishment for the mistake of marrying an arrogant woman cannot be a criminal case"

This story is entirely true and not any perception of events . The names of victims of 498a and agressors have been changed since the victims are totally exhausted.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Life .... mysteries.... evolving life

Mayur and Preeti got married in a jiffy, nothing else describes their marriage than this.

Preeti was a very well-natured, but popular girl wherever she went(school , college or office), her simplicity and innocence. She always made it sure that all those suitors were denied, since she wanted to marry someone the Indian way!, the arranged and announced way. Her family loved her that much, as to make her think of them before she thought of herself. This may have been a bane in retrospect, as they say in flight safety announcements, put the safety mask on yourselves before you help others!. She lived with her parents, near to her married sister(whose son she doted, maybe she wanted to have a kid of her own, too soon, in retrospect)

Mayur had a very troubled childhood. His mother was a very fiery lady, who went on to say that her husband raped her and Mayur was the result. He had been hearing this all his childhood, that is whenever he came home for vacations of the boarding school his mother decided to park him away. His mother was interested in living a queen size life, and would do whatever it takes to do that(she was in the travel and hospitality industry, which had ways and means to achieve her goal). Mayur's mind was warped because of these conditioning, in addition to the sexual harassment he had to endure all his schooling days, from various person, since he was seen as a meek person by all. All this made him a volcano waiting to erupt, he never could stick to his own decisions, since his mother and aunt used to decide for him all his life.

Mayur had given his details/bioddata in his companies intranet, in the section which facilitated matrimonial alliances, since his mom and aunt wanted only his money(in dollars ,since he was now in US working onsite for an Indian company). Preeti got Mayur's details forwarded by her friend in Mayur's company. She responded with her details to Mayur's email. Mayur came to see her during his 25 day vacation to India, he liked Preeti without much delay(he wanted a friend dearly), and told Preeti's folks that engagement and Marriage should happen before he goes back to US. Preeti's family was delighted, the guy was a good match prima facie!- the only stuff they couldn't digest was the way he requested not to inform the matter to his mom, whatever needed would be dealt with by his aunt.

Anyway marriage happened, and they went to aunts place(mom still not informed!, since she was against all men- not their money of course). The first day itself was a shocker to Preeti, aunt went on to explain how Mayur could have got a better birl, with a lot of assets, etc. Second day was bad since his mom came to know and had a showdown in front of Mayur. The following days were even worse for Preeti, Mayur changed 180 degrees from what he was while he used to date her before marriage, it was as if he was possessed.

He started doubting her every move, not letting her outside alone at all. They went to US as scheduled, but Mayur would lock her up, when he went to work. The situation only got bad, when Mayur found Preeti emailing her parents about whats going on, that day he threw her at the wall, and when he found that she cut her forehead and was bleeding profusely, the only concern was to stop blood and to make the gash unnoticeable!.

The torture and madness worsened and one day Preeti mustered courage, and demanded that she wants to go back, in his un-predictable state of mind Mayur agreed and she came back to India. After 6 months Preeti got Mayurs legal notice informing his intention to file for Divorce with Mutual consent. Preeti was happy and relieved, since the scars were fading, but her nightmares were not.

In the meanwhile Deep had met Preethi, they were friends at school. He told her about the false 498a complaint his wife put on him, and commented that it was the likes of preethi who should use this law. Preethi's answer was that she doesn't want to take revenge on Mayur, nor does she has dreams to get rich like Deep's wife by putting a 498a case. She was confident to live a life of dignity forgetting her past.

Deep thought....Strange are the ways of people, the ones who act 'the victim' are undeserving, the deserving has better ways out!.... Deep's story:  http://cruiserdeep.blogspot.in/2005/09/in-mad-rush-of-mumbai-in-between.html

(Characters are Fictitious, though the traits and character sketches and inspired from life)

Friday, September 23, 2005

Some other related blogs:
http://indiatalking.com/blog/swarup/1326/
http://gender-indian.blogspot.com/
http://stannoxane.blogspot.com/
http://pariwariksuraksha.blogspot.com/
http://www.saveindianfamily.org/blogs/
http://indianhusbands.blogspot.com
We had a debate in the yahoo of SIF, as to why an issue snowballs to the invoking of a 498a(false or half-true- where in the girls intention is not getting a ransom amount, but to get even for some reason). Genuine cases also happens, that’s my next story being posted soon, its going to be interesting, it really shook-me up too, do wait for that post.

Some victims said its because the girls are advised by parents or advocates (when she starts staying away from her husband, due to some fights(initial, no very serious in nature) to put a false case(Accusing attempts to murder, demand of dowry etc., whichs just put to complete the 'requirements/ingredients' of a 498a offense). Like in a situation similar to Deep and Meeth ( my earlier post).

But some feel that girls are provoked since boys expect a certain level of submissiveness, which they have been conditioned to expect out of wife!. I quote the words of a friend in verbatim "I feel that we
Indian males implicitly believe in our inherent superiority over females, and then unknowingly act in
a manner which may be insulting to them. Then when our spouses react to that, we feel infuriated because
we've been spoonfed since childhood that a good wife never shouts back at her husband or in-laws. So, we
try to suppress her which further complicates the matters.”

I personally think of the following trends/causes, as the main reasons of rifts and then deterioration to 498a levels.
1) Parental Influence(parents(especially Indian) seems to have a reason to be worried in the initial stages of marriage, and hence be liable to wrong panic triggers, which only helps to further roughen the situation- with each side defending their own forts, come what may!)
2) Advice of legally half-baked confidants, that 498a is the panacea for ego-gratification and settling scores(simple miya-biwi jagada’s!- small tiff’s between the man and wife)
3) Wrong values and upbringing(not respecting women or men, as is needed in a society, let alone as a couple)
4) Ego , Complexes, Vindictiveness
5) Lack of self-confidence, hence leading way to comparisons and external-orientation
6) Viewing a partner as a commodity to be owned, and who had no right or duties of themselves
7) Extra marital affairs
8) Greed, Avarice & Lust

Would like more inputs and counters in this regard, so that we can arrive at some level of awareness using this brainstorming.

regards
Deep

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

A beautiful life .... which didn't happen .... could have well!

In the mad rush of Mumbai, in between the evening crunch to get home and rest, Deep met Meeth. She was the quintessential Mumbaite, trying to get on to the local train which was just approaching VT station, and determined to get that seat of hers. He was now a 6 year old in Mumbai, relocated for his Job from Bangalore.

Several dates and chat later, they decided that they need to marry, they were so perfect a 'dove-tail joint' match. Meeth's family had a lawyer pop, and home maker(and also policy maker!) mom, an elder brother who is a small time financier.

Deep was the only son of his parents, father owns a farm and is the wise old man of his village, mom is a teacher in primary school. Deep was a young man with a lot of ambitions and love inside, who had a good life and family around him.

Meeth's family had lost its glory when the era of Zamindars and 'Raj' ended. She did have a decent life and education, but with a lot of help from her uncle's side.

Deep was an active guy, reaching out to everyone he meets. Ever innovative and adventurous, straying from the time tested and sober ways of life and profession. This trait of experimenting and achieving, brought a lot of detractors in his life, as such he had detractors from his relatives side, since his family was well-off.

Meeth was conditioned by her parents to be scheming and manipulative since now the family subsisted on funds from their relatives. Their ego did not let them live a normal, transparent life.

Marriage happened, with the blessings if both families. But Deep got deeper in troubles by the passing day, he was faced with Taunts, Insults, comparisons and unworthy negativism from Meeth. Since both did love each other , even though Meeth's conditioning got the better of her and she displayed this negativism time and again. Deep, out of love that brought them together in the first place, tried to talk out of this unpleasant situation, but nothing seemed to work.

Meeth was keeping in touch with her family by phone, natural for someone who has only left home for 2 years of Master’s education. But the problem was her mother’s curiosity and power-mongering nature, she wanted her daughter to be in charge of the family in all respects(because she herself ruled over her husband back home!- it’s the culture over there!). On top of everything Deep’s own aunts schemed against him by poisoning Meeth’s mind. Deep didn’t realise whats happening, because he was not able to interpret the reactions of Meeth, when he was only giving her love and freedom to do whatever she likes.

To add trouble to all this, Meeth’s elder brother, Jeeth, did not like Deep’s pride in his abilities and achievements, he wanted a Yes-man in Deep!. With his connections with lawyers and related advisors, Jeeth knew how to humble any husband just with a false complaint of Harassment and Cruelty under IPC section 498a .

The rest is history, things just snowballed into a false 498a case, now Deep and Meeth lost their peace of mind along with a beautiful chance of building a loving family together.

Story of Preethi and Mayur... the other side of the coin .... only misuse(of women-protection laws) ... no USE!

(Characters are Fictitious, though the traits and character sketches and inspired from life)

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Agreed that gender wars have been on from time immemorial (yeah, human beings need to have some conflict or the other, in their lives, somehow). But how can anyone explain ladies (or girls) thinking about strangling their life-partners(chosen ones, most often than not) legally, with a false complaint.

I am talking about the misuse of 498a(section of Indian Penal code), which originally is a law to prevent Harassment and Cruelty by Husbands and relatives towards wives. Without going into the legalities, I wish to enquire the reasons of this rift and later vicious clash, between 2 people who shared and were to share the most intimate times of their lives- I am sure a lot of couples started out with a fight, just with a bit of anger, ego, vengeance. But whats sustaining this prolonged hatred which makes someone to ruin the other partner, mentally, physically, socially, economically and worst spiritually(which makes one think that this life's not worth living- see what its giving back!).

I do have some inferences of why this seem to happen, but would like to hear from the affected, bystanders, the remotely affected & unaffected. Just to form a data bank of inferences, from which we can distill down to specific reasons and hence to some possible solution.

To read more about this situation you can go to the links below:
http://misuseof498a.clawz.com/
http://misuse498a.tripod.com/

Legal Resources
Indian Penal Code- IPC: i) u need to register free for this http://www.mahalibrary.com/Logon.asp?p=/show_options.asp&part=yes&id=186045&file=186045p1.asp&law=&cf=%20
ii) the free one: http://www.indialawinfo.com/bareacts/ipc.html
2) for Criminal Procedure code , refer: http://www.mahalibrary.com/show_subhead.asp?p=yes&file=197402p1.asp&id=197402
3) http://www.pariwariksuraksha.org/Legal%20Help.htm

So long,
Cruiser