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Monday, January 16, 2006

Am I coward ?

my knees have circular scar frmbeing scrubbed with foot pad
I have a sambhar burn on face
I have a two stitches on my thigh
Yet I had to face the threat of being in Jail as an aggressor rather then vicitm
People either laugh and sympatheise but nobody says I shuld get justice only becuase I happen to be a male !
Am I a coward not to complain or iss it just the mistrust society ?

I care too hoots for laughter I bother needless about sympathy but I want Justice .
Will I get it ?

A victim

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Cowardice asks...."Is it safe?" Expedience asks...."Is it politic?" Vanity asks...."Is it popular?" There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, politic, nor popular, but one must take it because it is right: Martin Luther King, Jr.

Yes, its time to take a Stand the right one, even if it costs you, even if you need not, even if you aren't obliged to do so.......

We are just back from Nasik 498a Seminar(held at IMA Hall, Shalimar Chowk), it was good and we got a lot of contacts of PHSS members all over maharashtra. With PHSS's ground level activism and contacts we can leverage our promotion & effectiveness better, we have in fact discussed how we can conduct seminars and other promotional activities in Bombay with their contacts and 498a luminaries.

The notable PHSS member's in Mumbai are 1) Mr.Bhimrao Budhivant, Secretary, Mumbai: Tel(R): 022 55847025, Mobile: 9820441832/31, 2) Adv.Anamika Vichare, Legal Advisor Tel: 022 25783986, 25783781, 55833567, 9324317408, 9869470238, 3)Mr.Sunil D.Mungi, President, Mumbai, Tel(R) 022 25911798 4) Adv.Dharmendra Chavan, General Secretary, Tel 0253 2501666. 5) Mr.Vijay Khobragade, Sthree Atyachar Peedith Purush Vikas Sanstha, Nagpur, Tel: 09422809293.

We will conduct a contact program in Mumbai soon, so I would warn the offenders to take note that backtrack, when theres still time. We don't take it lying down, and we mean what we say- if you don't wanna stay in the marriage just leave peacefully, else we are gonna get you so bad, that you gonna beg for mercy at the end(how muchever time it takes to get you to that state).

Cruising Deeper soon, deeper underground

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Subject: Narcissistic Community of Women (This summation is based on a book called Malignant Self Love – Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin, PhD.). Submitted to SIF Yahoo group by : Friend Friend. This would explain the genesis of the Award winning article(The Dark Side of NRI Marriages: Husbands Fall Victim to Dowry-Immigration Fraud) by Lisa Tsering blogged at

Original post of this article at:

The Narcissistic Community of Women (NCW)

The Narcissistic Community of Women (NCW) is comprised of women who are pathological liars. In a way they are sadists; they use verbal and psychological abuse and violence against the weak among the women, the elderly and even young children. When the narcissistic woman’s glamour and trickery wears thin, underneath lurks a monster, which sucks the affect, distorts the cognition and irreversibly influences the lives of those around it to the worse. The narcissistic woman has no time/energy for anything except the next narcissistic fix, no matter what the price and who is trampled on. Depending on who is involved, the narcissistic women behave differently. They will not be enraged by the behavior of an important person, but will become absolutely malevolent with their own husband and in-laws under the same circumstances. For the narcissistic women, humans are dispensable/ re-usable.

The narcissist is judgmental (with no merit) is above reproach and is above any law, social or other (threatens her grandiosity). If ignored, feels empty, humiliated, wrathful, discriminated against, neglected and feels that she is compromising, sooner or later, the narcissistic woman
will plot, conspire and do what ever is necessary to regain lost ground, recognizes no borders and no other people except those who are able to provide her narcissistic supply sources. To cause someone to have sex with her is a powerful feeling for the narcissistic woman. It leads to
a quick succession of narcissistic supply sources.

The narcissistic woman is unable to simulate emotions (only able to feign emotions), is devious and is very convincing. Gradually, the narcissistic woman distorts the personalities of those she is in constant touch with (e.g. colleagues, workers, professionals, etc.). Casts them in her deficient mold, limits them, redirects them and inhibits them. She drives the mate/spouse, colleagues/workers, professionals and even children into collaborating and induces them to criminal and romantic impulses. The narcissistic women are charmers, persuaders and gifted
actors. Many such women belong to the socio-economically privileged classes and find scapegoats or co-conspirators very easily and get away because of society (being able to have the rules bent for them, etc.). The facilitators once compromised, continue collaborating to hide their own dishonesty.

Narcissistic women are enamored of status symbols (big houses, expensive cars, clothes, jewelry, successful spouses, private schools for kids, etc.). The narcissism and religion may go well together, because it allows the narcissistic woman to feel unique and believe that they have
a “direct line to God.” She baits authority and challenges (e.g. false complaints, not complying with court/custody/visitation orders etc.). She fears air-travel, ‘Narcissistic confinement’. A Narcissistic woman may flaunt and exploit physical charms (may claim false modesty and yet
may reveal herself as a possible “whore”). She may cast herself in the role of the eternal victim. For the narcissistic woman, to be abandoned (e.g. an impending divorce) means to be judged in her totality. Even though the narcissistic woman, works towards the disintegration of the
relationship, “Desertion is emotional annihilation of the narcissistic woman” and consequently feels annulled, rendered transparent, abused, exploited and objectified.

The narcissistic woman is born into a dysfunctional family (affective dysfunction and massive denials) with several personality disorders, constant aggression and violence/abuse (verbal/psychological/physical and sexual). The narcissistic woman has 2 masks, the first, the “false self” and the second, as a “vulnerable child like person (and subject to protection) who is a genius (therefore worthy of special treatment).” The narcissistic woman makes absurd accusations, distorts facts, pronounces allegations, and motivated by the fear of abandonment will demean herself to the point of provoking repulsion in the beholder.

When confronted by a crisis (e.g. impending divorce): Blinded by pain, the married narcissistic woman turns to and upon those nearest to her (husband and in-laws) – in fear – embarks on an orgy of self destruction intended to generate attention at any cost. Traumatizes the spouse, does not hesitate to lie, fabricate, deceive or “expose” (misleading) half-truths. Is a star among the ranks of crooks, villains and con artists? May maliciously and intentionally shower bad intentions on some victims (e.g. estranged spouse) and sadistically forces them to pay a heavy toll, materially, in reputation and emotionally. Engages in acts, which puts husband and in-laws in the line of punishment, hurts people, breaks the law or violates morality(A True "Family Terrorist"). May return to an old haunt (defunct pathological narcissistic space) e.g. an ex-mate, if she can no longer inhabit the current pathological narcissistic space.

Suddenly, because of boredom, an act or a mood (it does not have to be grounded in reality), the narcissistic woman swings from idealization to devaluation and the mate/spouse who is still a major source of narcissistic supply (to be punished for not being docile/obedient) is subjected to acts of sadism “I inflict pain, therefore I am superior.”

The narcissistic woman invades the victim’s territory (e.g. job), abuses confidence, exhausts resources, hurts her husband’s loved ones, humiliates and insults privately and in public. Actions and reactions are determined by input from outside (e.g. parent narcissist/friend who has acquired similar traits/support groups, etc.). Calls the Police because they represent the law and what is right (represents her rigid parents), to suppress the unruly behavior, of her own narcissistic disorder, (blamed on the victim). The rigid parents (often narcissists themselves)
reward and punish arbitrarily, abandon, smother with ill regulated emotions, instill a rigid, sadistic super-ego, (but will even help cover up murder by their emotionally crippled child-adult) and are a secondary narcissistic supply source.

The narcissistic child represents the dysfunctional family (with mood disorders, abuse, Cluster B personality disorders, etc.). “Life is a Movie,” gaining control by “writing a scenario” or by “inventing a narrative” is commonplace for the narcissistic woman. Emits a narcissistic signal (reaches out to ex-mates) then receives a host of narcissistic stimuli (messages from people willing to collaborate in providing the narcissistic supply), rates these stimuli and those with the highest rating is selected, then over valued. Feels magically rewarded, re-awakened. The Narcissist has no genuine emotions, can be in love with the narcissistic supply source because the person is famous/has money/power/comes from the right family/ is a Citizen of a foreign country (whereas the narcissist is a potential immigrant and needs sponsorship).

To impress a group of people (e.g. support groups) the narcissist will identify with their goals and beliefs to the point of ridicule. The narcissist is always the most fanatical, extreme and the most dangerous (at stake is her own survival). Having learned to manipulate their human environment to a masterly extent, they believe they will always “get away with it” and “punishment is for ordinary people.” Once the group is no longer instrumental, the narcissistic woman devalues it, ignores it and in extreme cases destroys it (as punishment for its incompetence at securing her narcissistic supply).

When confronted with her own off-springs, the narcissistic woman at first perceives them as a threat to her narcissistic supply sources and may attempt to hurt them. If this proves to be in effective, subjects them to emotional absence and detachment, and directs transformed anger at the spouse (starting soon after the delivery).

Some manipulate their spouse by “taking over” the child (Annexation and Assimilation) and use it as a source of narcissistic supply. The mother can cast herself in the role of the eternal victim, who has dedicated her life to the child (implicit proviso of reciprocity) and may treat the child as an extension of the Mother, or she may create a situation of the Mother and child “united against external threats” (having already destroyed the Father).

If the offspring starts becoming judgmental (as he/she gets older), then he/she is perceived as a threat and is rejected to get what the narcissistic woman finally wants “disintegration.” Contempt, rage, emotional and psychological abuse and even physical violence occur if the
narcissistic woman is disenchanted with her child – narcissism breeds’ narcissism. If the mother herself is the narcissist type, the growth prospects of the child are indeed dim.

Other personality disorders may be inter-related: (Cluster B Disorders – e.g. Narcissistic, Borderline and Antisocial).

In stressful situations, they will try to pre-empt a (real/imaginary) threat, introduce new variables or otherwise influence the external world (cajole, bribery, threaten, fabricate, etc.) to conform to their needs.

Borderline Personality Disorder patients may experience brief psychotic “micro-episodes.” It is a case of a failed narcissistic solution and may lead to self-mutilation. The Anti-Social Personality may in addition exhibit internalized and transformed aggression directed at a self-perceived inadequate worthy of nothing but elimination. The Cluster B Personality Disorders may overlap and during a crisis may exhibit features of the other. Personality Disorders are more common in people with breast augmentation (as per some researchers).

To stop a narcissist Do not adore, approve, applaud or confirm anything that the narcissistic woman says. Receiving special treatment (from lawyers, psychologists, courts, support groups, etc.) will only exacerbate the condition by supporting the grandiose, fantastic image the narcissistic woman has of herself. Force the narcissistic woman to admit that she is absolutely wrong and in need of professional help. Get them to commit to therapy.

Get the narcissistic woman to confront (during therapy) a real version of herself. (A good friend/spouse/therapist/parent or all can help). Set up rigid, strict and well-defined rules. Clear and painful sanctions must be applied religiously and mercilessly, set in writing in unequivocal language. Get the narcissistic woman to confront the narcissist parent. Penalize the criminal acts.

(This summation is based on a book called Malignant Self Love –
Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin, PhD.) . Submitted to SIF Yahoo group by : Friend Friend

Is this the reason why we have a growing Creed of "Doosri Radhas", like former Inspector General Mr.D.K.Panda, so much so that NCW itself is to inquire into dowry harassment claims against D K .

Cruiser, Deeper soon

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

I had posted the below petition at the sites mentioned below. I appeal to you all to post your complaints about 498a and its injustice-misuse at (also paste the same at ). We need to Propogate the support we have got from the Supreme Court to the other law enforcing agencies too....
************** My Petition to Commissioner of Police*********

B-102, Matoshrikripa C.H.S, Bhandup(east), Mumbai-400042
Tele/Fax : +91 22 25614188(Bombay, Res), +91 9821414336


The Commissioner of Police, Mumbai
(and Other personnel in I.P.S)

Subject : Misuse of IPC section 498a, resulting misery for Indian families.


This is to report rampant misuse of Anti Harassment/Cruelty(Domestic violence) laws in India(the concerned section in Indian penal code is section 498a). The potency of misuse is much since the Police doesn't need any other supporting evidence or witness other than the wife's statement/complaint, to straight away arrest the Husband and his relatives (Whoever is named in the wife's complaint), since it is a cognisable crime, following which is an ordeal of long drawn and wasteful legal proceedings for the Husband (in this law he is Guilty until proved innocent!, unlike any other law, anywhere else).

As you might be aware of this misuse yourselves, I would, on behalf of other victims of this misuse also, appeal to all police personnel to treat the complaints u/s IPC 498a with some restraint and empathy. This is in the same lines as supreme courts judgment, cited below, where SC has appealed its courts to exercise restraint till legislature finds way to deal with Makers of frivolous complaints, when S.C ruled: "Till then the courts have to take care of the situation within the existing framework". The excerpt from this judgment is shown below:

The supreme court judgment(in the writ number 141 of 2005) acknowledges that there is rampant misuse of 498a. Especially when Supreme Court of India acknowledges that misuse of 498A is on the rise, and has hinted that the legislature may have to find ways to deal with misusers of 498A, terming this trend as Legal Terrorism. And implicitly directing other indian courts by saying "Till then the courts have to take care of the situation within the existing framework.

The excerpt of this judgment, regarding misuse of 498a, in writ petition No.141 of 2005 of Supreme Court is reproduced below:

*************** Excerpt of the Supreme Court Judgment ***************

“The object of provision is prevention of the dowry menace. But as has been rightly contented by the petitioner, many instances have come to light where the complaints are not bonafide and have been filed with oblique motive. In such cases acquittal of the accused does not in all cases wipe out the ignominy suffered during and prior to trial. Sometimes adverse media coverage adds to the misery. The question, therefore, is what remedial measures can be taken to prevent the abuse of well-intentioned provision. Merely because the provision is constitutional and intra vires, does not give a license to unscrupulous person to wreck personal vendetta or unleash harassment. It may, therefore become necessary for the legislature to find out ways how the makers of frivolous complaints or allegations can be appropriately dealt with. Till then the courts have to take care of the situation within the existing framework. As noted above the object is to strike at the roots of dowry menace. But by misuse of the provision a new legal terrorism can be unleashed. The provision is intended to be used as a shield and not as an assassin's weapon. If cry of wolf is made too often as a prank assistance and protection may not be available when the actual wolf appears. There is no question of investigation agency and courts casually dealing with the allegations. They cannot follow any straitjacket formula in the matters relating to dowry tortures, deaths and cruelty. It cannot be lost sight of that ultimate objective of every legal system is to arrive at truth, punish the guilty and protect the innocent. There is no scope for any pre-conceived notion or view. It is strenuously argued by the petitioner that the investigating agencies and courts start with the presumption that accused persons are guilty and that the complainant is speaking the truth. This is too wide available and generalized statement. Certain statutory presumptions are drawn which again are rebuttable. It is to be noted that the role of investigating agencies and the courts is that of watch dog and not of a bloodhound. It should be their effort to see that innocent person is not made to suffer on account of unfounded, baseless and malicious allegations. It is equally indisputable that in many cases no direct evidence is available and the courts have to act on circumstantial evidence while dealing with such cases, the law laid down relating to circumstantial evidence has to be kept in view.”

The above S.C ruling clearly shows that the judiciary is silently trying to do its best to avoid IPC section 498a being used as a weapon in the hands of assailants, we are sure that the Police force too will follow the same attitude towards 498a accusations, which are found to be false in more than 75% of all the reported cases.

Please also see below, the US and Canadian consular warnings for its citizens (of Indian origin mainly) with respect to this misuse of 498a.

US Consular Warning( ): Excerpt--> A number of U.S.-citizen men who have come to India to marry Indian nationals have been arrested and charged with crimes related to dowry extraction. Many of the charges stem from the U.S. citizen's inability to provide an immigrant visa for his prospective spouse to travel immediately to the United States. The courts sometimes order the U.S. citizen to pay large sums of money to his spouse in exchange for the dismissal of charges. The courts normally confiscate the American’s passport, and he must remain in India until the case has been settled. There are also cases of U.S.-citizen women of Indian descent whose families force them against their will into marriages to Indian nationals.

Canadian Consular affairs info for Canadian abroad ( ): Excerpt--> Growing numbers of Canadian citizens have been caught up in marital fraud and dowry abuse in India. Most cases involve Indo-Canadian males who abandon their wives in India after cheating them out of large sums of money. Other cases involve misuse of India’s Dowry Prohibition Act. This law, which was enacted to protect women and makes demanding a dowry a crime, is sometimes used to blackmail men through false allegations of dowry extortion. Individuals facing charges may be forced to remain in India until their cases have been settled or pay off their spouses in exchange for the dismissal of charges. To avoid such problems, you are advised to register your marriage in India along with a joint declaration of gifts exchanged, as well as consider a prenuptial agreement

Sowry Harassment is what is in vogue now:
Sowry Harassment - The New Bane of Indian Society

Sowry Harassment Weblinks:

In fact we are organised as a group in internet and we have over 460 members-victims in india and abroad.

To know more please visit, & . This is causing Havoc in Indian expatriates working in other countries like USA too.

Warm Regards

P.R.Gokul ,